Since I’ve been a member of Facebook, I’ve managed to amass over 360 friends of which many are active. Every day, more flows through my news feed than I have time to read. I read about good things and bad things that have happened. I see things that are exciting or motivational, but also things that are depressing and upsetting. Well, it’s a specific subset of the depressing category that bothers me the most and has motivated me to write this post. Before I explain, let me just say: If you’re here from Facebook, and you’re one of my friends, you’re awesome. You wouldn’t be among that 360 if you weren’t. I just see that a small subset of you have lots of little problems that fit pattern that shows that you don’t know something that many of us do. For those of you who this doesn’t apply to, you might want to read on as well, and maybe even pass this on.
I think we all know people with this problem, even if there isn’t a particular name we give to them. They’re the people who are losing jobs all the time, dramatically in and out of relationships every few months, constantly posting negative things that happen to them in hopes that people will show them sympathy, or even just anybody who just posts things to get attention whether good or bad. If you are one of these people, I don’t want you to stop making these posts because you think I don’t want to see them. In fact, I titled this post what I did because I can’t think of one of you that isn’t lucky enough to have something that I wish I had. Whether it’s a skill, a possession, a status, a job, doesn’t matter. You have something that I think you should be proud of. Yeah, I’m full of myself, but then again, I hope you’ll be able to say that about yourself someday soon. So let’s get to it.
The secret is pretty simple once you get the hang of it, and associated two words to it: “Fuck It”. . It’s harsh and maybe even obscene, but, fuck it, just go with it. Though before you go and take those two simple words out of context, let me explain. The secret isn’t just to say “fuck it” to anything and let it slide over you like it never happened. You need to learn to take responsibility for you rather than denying your responsibility. You need to learn to put yourself in the position to fail. You need to learn to accept that you have failed. When you find you’ve made a mistake, you need to believe “Fuck it! I screwed up and I know it. I’ll won’t do it again, but I won’t let myself suffer for it this time” and then move on. When you fail at something, say “Fuck it. I’ll learn why I failed and do try again.” and then learn and try again.
Through practicing this myself, I’ve learned quite a bit. Anything that happens to me is a direct result of a decision I make. If I wake up in the morning, that’s because I decided to go to sleep the night before. If I get in an accident in a car, that’s because I decided to get into that car. The responsibility may not be completely mine, but I do have some responsibility. Anything you do requires taking some risk. Any risk you take can have a positive or negative result. Take that experience, learn from it and then move on. To continue the car example. I got into the car, the weather was horrible, I lost control and ended up in the ditch. Why did I end up in the ditch? Could I have had better tires on my car? Should I have known that the weather was too bad for me to drive? Did I make another mistake?” The answers to those questions are important, but more importantly, I’m still alive. I can take those answers, and hopefully avoid a similar mistake in the future. This is far better than telling myself “This stupid weather made me crash my car.” Do you see why? To deny your own fault is to lose the opportunity to learn from your mistakes while at the same time to obsess over your mistakes is to deny yourself the opportunity to live and be happy.
Ok, so now you’re saying “Fuck It” all the time, and learning from your mistakes. How is this going to stop these things from happening? This alone doesn’t fix anything, but it leads to changes in you that will. The first thing you’ll probably notice is a random smile on your face when you say those two words and you’ll know the power you now have. At some point, you’ll look back and realize that many of the things that used to bring you way down in the past now push you forward with a smile on your face instead. As a side effect, people, like me, will be comment on your posts on Facebook with things like “That’s great!”, “Congrats!”, “Awesome!” rather than “That sucks”, “I’m sorry to hear that”, or “I hope things get better for you”. This won’t happen right way. It could take years, but it will happen if you work on it, and it is worth it.
Now, on to why I’ve chosen the words “Fuck it” and how you might want to use different words. To me, without context, a word is just a bunch of letters without any meaning. My context and the power those words hold for me come completely from my experiences and beliefs. To me, the word “it” means nothing in the context of this phrase and holds no power other than to identify the subject to which the phrase applies. The word “Fuck,” on the other hand, provides the power behind the phrase. I first learned the word in third grade, from a girl named “April” who though it would be great fun to get innocent ‘ol me to say it to Mrs. Powers while she was reading a book. Not only was that the time I learned the word and that it was “bad” but also that it had a strange power. Yeah I was a naïve idiot. On a side note, that was also the day that I learned that flipping the bird was bad, also thanks to April. I don’t remember her last name, nor do I remember seeing her since way back then, but if anyone knows who I’m talking about, I’d love to thank her today. I remember gasps of horror when I gave in and said it. At first it became a word I feared and later a word I used and still use too freely. The important thing about this word, in this context, for me is to mean it is a powerful negative. “Fuck it” is the most powerful way I can say to myself “It doesn’t matter” in the strongest way possible. You might have better words, and if you do, use them.